Prometheus brought fire; I give you this.

When exactly did we forget how to argue?

Because we have forgotten. It seems like the goal of most of the arguments I’ve heard or seen lately haven’t had anything to do with hearing multiple sides of an argument, or solving a problem. Instead there’s been a single objective: to shut down the opposition.

I don’t know if this is an outgrowth of the fear, anger, and divisiveness that blossomed in our country after 2001. I don’t know if this is the fault of the Internet, where anonymous comment boxes routinely turn human beings into trolls. But whatever it is, as a culture, we’ve forgotten how to argue. We only know how to invalidate.

And so, because I’m a patriot and a humanitarian, I’m going to solve this problem for everyone right now. And, I’m going to do it with three little words:

Arguing on the internet, trolls

No need to thank me. It’s in the best interest of our civilization that we all put on tee shirts bearing these words whenever we’re feeling argumentative from now on. And, if we’re arguing on the Internet, we should consider using these words in our thumbnail photos as well. If we’re arguing in Congress we should scrawl “You’re Valid Too” on our legal pads and hold them up so that everyone can see then while we’re delivering our remarks — no matter how venomous they are — because if we can’t recognize the validity of other points of view in conversation, we can at the very least do it by the use of a visual aid.

How can You’re Valid Too help? Below are a few examples:

1) Consider the people who say things like “If you’re not a [parent, teacher, veteran, member of ethnic/religious group, etc.] you can’t say anything.”

What is that? Of course people can still give their opinions if they aren’t insiders. Their opinions may not be interesting, useful, insightful or welcome to you, but there’s no call to invalidate such speech before it even happens. My first instinct when someone says something like this is to call her a censoring bully and to walk away, which doesn’t solve anything.

But if someone wearing a “You’re Valid Too” tee shirt delivered this remark, I could look down at her shirt and be reminded that this person may have forgotten momentarily that I’m valid because she is angry or afraid of criticism, and that can remind me, in turn, that this person’s anger and fear is valid, and then maybe I can remember that when I respond. Instead of the knee-jerk response, maybe I can give a rational one.

2.) Consider people who threadjack on the Internet. Consider the following fictional conversation:
Facebooker One: Whew. Bad day at work. Pass the scotch.
Facebooker Two: You think YOU had a bad day? Call me if you want to know what a REAL bad day looks like!

Now, Facebooker Two, there was no need to invalidate Facebooker One’s bad day. Your bad day was valid, too, Okay? And, if Facebooker Two’s profile picture was just the words You’re Valid Too, maybe he will look at that thread, remember his own validity and that of Facebooker One’s, and have the decency to delete his comment or at least ask how Facebooker One’s day actually was before jumping in with the horrors of his own day.

3.) Trolls. You should never engage with a troll (someone who posts hateful or inflammatory comments on the Internet just to get a reaction) on the Internet. You should always ignore them, despite the fact that they tend to hurt feelings, cause incoherent rage and raise blood pressure.

Now, if — by some magical Internet law — trolls all automatically had thumbnail photos bearing the words “You’re Valid Too,” we might be more likely to identify them as the pathetic attention-seekers they are. We might feel pity rather than rage. Pity is much better for your blood pressure.

4.) Some people in Texas, unhappy with the results of the presidential election, want to secede from the union and petition to do so. Some might think that this is the political equivalent of “I’m taking my toys and going home.” That’s a valid interpretation.

But if this petition were sent to the White House on letterhead reading “You’re Valid Too,” maybe the request would be taken more seriously as the recipient considers that the Texans are afraid and upset, but do realize that the rest of the country had a valid election. And maybe if the refusal were sent back on the same letterhead, the petitioning Texans will realize that though their request was rejected, their worries were seen as valid, and maybe they’ll be slightly better disposed toward the current administration. You never know. But this can’t hurt.

You’re welcome, Earth.

Your tee shirts are here and here.

Go forth, and be reasonable.

The new tee shirt is here.

Well, it took me long enough.

More than a month ago,  I asked readers what tee shirts they’d like to see in my store and promised to get the most popular one posted sooner rather than later. Well, it’s later. The new tee shirt isn’t a phonephobia design or a baby fever one. Those are still on the back burner. What I am posting instead is a Beware the Hawk design. Check it out:

My protagonist doesn’t have a name, but I call her Pink.

This design was created with the ladies in mind. Not just because it makes reference to the color pink. Oh no. We here at The Garret* are far too progressive for that. It’s because if you’re, say, a busty gal who drinks a lot of red wine and you happen to spill some on yourself while you’re wearing this shirt, it will just look like part of the design. It might even improve the design.

What happened to the old Beware the Hawk cover-art tee, you may ask? Well it turns out that I’m not so good with copyright issues. I don’t have the right to sell any merchandise with the cover art on it, excepting the book itself. I can use it for promotional materials but that’s about it.

So here’s the new tee shirt, which is just one of many new designs I hope to roll out. I’m trying to figure out a Leo-themed design for guys, although this design can be ordered as a man’s shirt as well.


*By “we,” I mean “me.”

Time to make the tee-shirts.

Confession time: I promised some new tee shirt designs for my store months ago and then life got busy and I did nothing.

So I’d like to get a better selection of stuff posted. Not that anyone ever goes to the store, but still, I like to have options for the three people a month who visit. I have several ideas for shirts based on older blog posts, but I’ve had no time to put in the Photoshop effort.

Since I don’t have much time this semester, I thought I’d just list my ideas and let people weigh in. Then I’ll put together one shirt based on the responses. Not that I expect folks to actually purchase my shirts, but the shirts themselves make handy prizes for my various contests. Here are the ideas:

1) “It’s not easy being pink.” This is a Beware the Hawk-related design that I’ve been working on. As it turns out, my previous shirt (with the book cover on it) cannot be sold by me.

2) “No one expects the Immaculate Conception.” I was raised Catholic. Last year I wrote that when I was a kid, I lived in fear that I’d go up to my room one night and find The Angel of the Lord waiting for me. S/he would say “Ann O’Connell, the second coming is nigh, and I have some news for you,” and I would say “Oh, please pick someone else. I don’t want to have to explain this to my parents.” Then I’d be sent to Hell for saying no to God, but really, eternal damnation might have been preferable to the conversation I would have ended up having with my mother if I said yes. These are the things I worried about as a kid. Speaking of worry…

3) “Phonephobics Anonymous: Don’t call us, we won’t call you.” This one is not my idea. This one is the idea of Kate Hutchinson, who shares my fear of talking on the phone.

4) “I’ve got a fever and the only prescription…. is menopause.” A baby fever tee shirt.

5) “I’m in touch with my inner monkey.” Because I am. My inner monkey controls me.

6.) “Anger is like food to me.” This one isn’t really associated with any blog post… yet.

That’s it. Have any preferences? Tell me!